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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snowed In 12: Direct to Video Laboof

If you were wondering, listening to Elfman Batman soundtrack, eating Italian sausage and doritos, having irish cola, and about to prove to you why I run Bartertown beatches!

What's that look like to you? Embryonic Trash. Looks like nothing. What if I told you that was a cigerette butt. You would say maybe, "yeah so". What if I told you that this cigerette butt was dangling and enjoyed by the cinematic genius of all time. You would say, "no, it can't be". And I would say," I present to you, underling, scum, dog of the sewer, I present to you.... JOHN CARPENTER'S CIGERETTE BUTT!!! NOW BOW AND BEG AND PRAY FOR FORGIVNESS YOU WORM DOG OF FILTH! I COMMAND YOU TO BOW! BOW YOU FILTHY CREATURE OF STINK!!!!!! I had his water glass, that he nervously signed for me at dragon con, and that broke in a move. BUT, I still have the cigerrette butt that he crushed in front of a auditorium of drooling fanboys as simply as he crushed our dreams and ambitions of making movies. John Carpenter looked at us and said, "forget hope, forget your dreams, we all sell out eventually, those who do not are crushed and destroyed". Carpenter put on his sunglasses, looked in the mirror and saw a black and white skull-face. He was honest with us, when everyone else was piping indie movie hype into our heads. And that is why his worst film can beat up your best.

I hate Tolken. He made me hate reading. I love spray adhesive. And plastic bags. And that is the rearview mirror from my first car, an 84 granada, that I spray painted, and had a paper mache' and wire scupture for a hood ornimate, because I drive both 2 FAST and 2 FURIOUS!

In 2001, this ad was pulled from Starbucks because it was too simular to the 9/11 two towers. Nuff said.

SCIENCE! TECHNOLOGY! What is this voodoo that you hold that allows you to speak to faceless souls from the beyond!

Gawd, am I done yet?
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