Monday, June 22, 2009


I havent written about this because it was all such a blur but                                                       heres the run down.

York took Zombeak to the Cannes Film Market to sell to all the various buyers around the globe.

My in-laws said I should go so they paid for Steph and me to come along with them to Spain. My step father in law is from Valencia and was going to visit his mother anyway that weekend. Synchronicity!  SO we flew into Barcelona, then spent the fist night in this old monastery on top of this freaky mountain. At three in the morning some woman started singing Ave Maria, and it echoed around the dark medieval architecture. Surreal.

Then we drove to Cannes (9 hour drive), and as we got into the city, the streets exploded with throngs of people. It was like a huge party!  The main theater was surrounded by gates that had tons of onlookers pushed up against them, people hoping to see a celebrity.

We found the hotel and I grabbed my duffel bag of t-shirts and ran into the crowd. The market was closing in an hour so I didnt have time to        check in and get settled. I was in Cannes, the main walk by the Mediterranean, the beautiful people, sunshine, shops, and gigantic posters on the buildings for up coming movies. It was like Dragon Con for social minded mainstream types.

I ran to the registration building, but the security guards blocking the door only spoke French so I had to tap dance and act maniacal to get in, but the south of France is VERY laid back and human, they just go with the flow and are used to dealing with nut jobs like myself so they let me through.

Into the bowls of the registration dungeon I lurched. If I could get a badge, then it would all be cool and I could get into the market, the backrooms, the screenings and what not. No badge, Id be peddling my chicken on the sidewalk (hey wait a minute!) SO I talked to the people at the desk like I knew what I was talking about (fake it!) and somehow they gave me a free badge that would get me anywhere in the festival I wanted to go! This was all providence and luck because York had not reserved me the badges they said they would. No match for my sweaty desperation.

Then Bang! Into the film market where all these booths are set up and posters to the various coming soon flicks are hung up. I was at the tail end of this so when I got to the York booth it was abandoned but I did find some sale sheets that had Zombeak on them as one of the films theyre out pimping, so that was awesome!

There was an open bar for peeps with films in the short film program, so I had to get in the middle of that, and talked to scrungie people from all over, Portugal, Australia, Turkey, Belgium, and such. You go to a film mixer/weenie roast in Georgia and you may meet someone from Macon, someone who used to live in LA (yeah thats right, L A, maybe youve heard of it- land of dreams, yeah thats right), and people who work for Ted Turner. Cannes is filled with people from EVERYWHERE, many surprisingly speak better English then I do. T-shirts where given out and this couple of writers from Belgium where really excited for me to get a screener out to them for review.

SO after that I go looking for Steph, we were supposed to meet up at the registration desk but for this first night we kept missing each other so I ran back into the blob. I was only able to get one badge so I knew time was limited if I was to to get these shirts out while I still felt networky (theres a limit).

Into the International Village I ran.The USA Tent is on the beach sothese little gaggles of boho arty types are sitting in the sand andsoaking in the fabulous of it all. The Mediterranean is right there and choked with yachts and cruise liners. They had a cheep bar. Met this guy from England who had made a short (most people I met were there with short films screening or scripts to sell, who couldnt fathom my low brow chicken movie was in the market HA! I cant fathom it either really). And from him I learned that it in this age people brag about how many hits you get on the internet. as in, Yeah, my film got 25 hits in the first three days, how did yours do? That kind of thing. But he was a nice guy and I met a dude from Ohio who made a doc about his family home and a crazy Frenchman who passed me blah blah.

Now the best part, I met a cameraman talent agent from Sydney who used to work in acquisitions for a big video distributor and she gave me all sorts of awesome advice on how I should deal with York and how to get paid and what not. Its just about support and persistence really.  Show them love and they show you love back. Love love love.

So one goal I visualized for this trip was to get a t-shirt in the hands of Sam Raimi. As it so happens, there was to be a special screening of Drag Me to Hell that night. I peed. This was a screening in the back theater, not a big premiere or anything, but you had to have a badge, and I did, so I walked up some steps and got into this line for what maybe one giant fan gushing over a huge influence on just about everyone who want to make this sort of thing. He, Romero, and Carpenter are like the Holy Trinity of American Horror films.  Hooper is like the crazy Pope. Cronenburg is from Canada. Anyway.

The line filed in and we went into this huge pre fab theater with red cushioned seats and nice nice nice. So I sat and waited to see if Raimi would appear, no one knew if he was there or not, and planned on how to rush the stage and get a shirt in his hands even if it meant getting tasered by security.

Alas, no Raimi. The movie began and I watched the first ten minutes, it was great, and then took off. I would rather watch this one with a group of friends and not when the south of France is right outside.  But it was still cool. Had he been there I would have had a total screaming orgasm.

It was about midnight now and I tracked down Steph, who thought I had been kidnapped by sex traffickers, and we went out and walked down the crossest (the sidewalk by the beach) and bought ice cream and I yammered about the last freaky six hours. She was pissed that she missed it but was really happy that I got some shit done. Her time would come the next night.

The following day was Saturday and Steph and I wandered the streets and soaked in the beauty and ambiance of it all. We drank strong coffee, drank warmish beer, saw some nude beaches (none I saw really should have gone there) ate seafood by the beach, I bought a t-shirt that was ridiculously too small, a large there is not a large here, and we decided to crash a premiere.

Back to the hotel, got dressed to the nines, went into the streets looking like glamourati. We didnt know if we could get in to the screening, you had to have a ticket, but I had read if you got dressed up and waited in the last minute access line, there could be a chance.  Went into the American tent and bought two one dollar beers and asked a writer guy what was showing that night. It was something called Maps of the Sounds of Tokyo. Never heard of it but even better because of it.

I brought Steph back a beer and we order a sandwich at a sidewalk stand, called the Americano, ended up being a loaf of bread with a giant hotdog stuffed in it topped with mayo. HA! Give that guy a hotdog! We ate our hotdog and drank our warm beer while waiting in line with other dressed up hopefuls.They all seemed to have badges and tickets, all we had was one badge, but you gotta try. We talked to a couple of filmmakers from Arizona who had a film in the market called Necromentia that I had actually heard of! We yammered about some movies and traded cards, nice guy with a big ten gallon hat and a red headed lady who was the writer.

Then the line started to move. Up ahead an older gentlemen who wore a yellow suit was being turned away wasnt very happy about it. I flashed my badge and Steph clinched up close and ... BANG we were in!  Woah. The next thing I knew we here walking up the red carpet while paparazzi flashed and clicked. Not at us per se but it was nice to live in the fantasy. After making it through the next security gate where they asked to see Stephs badge, we just smiled and acted clueless and in we went. Phew! Now we where sitting in the main theater. Everyone in tuxes and evening gowns. The director and two lead actors came in. People clapped, the movie began. Map of the Sounds of Tokyo was cool, if sad. Lots of hardcore sadness on display.  Subtitles and dialogue spoken in Japanese, Spanish, French, and English. It was exactly the type of film you would like to see in Cannes.

After the move people applaud for an hour. I learned that they time the applause and this helps the judges decide on the films popularity.  I hear some filmmakers have stormed off because their applause was a few seconds less then their competitors. Whatev. The cool thing about Cannes is if they dont like your movie, they will boo that sombitch right in front of you and your momma! I hear that Antichirst got the boo even though that guy Lars Von Trier is like royalty in some circles.

So then we file into the night and it is like a dream, we are starry eyed and someone takes our picture. We go back to the hotel and tell the in-laws all about it at the hotel bar. Then we crash.  At the crack of dawn were up and heading back to Barcelona. Good bye France. The whole thing just swirling in our heads. We stop and eat at a rest stop, these things are NICE, they have full restaurants that sell fresh food, not just bricks and vending machines. The bathrooms are still scary though. That is an international thing.

We get into Barcelona and spent a year looking for the hotel, things are weird over there. There are no billboards telling you where stuff is, and hotels arent groups together. Out hotel was in the middle of an industrial office park! But it was super modern and snazzy! It was late, but the in-laws said they would show us the city if we were game.  Yes.

Barcelona is the real Gotham City. Ancient Gothic cathedrals sandwiched in between modern skyscrapers. The place had a fascist government until the seventies and that aesthetic is everywhere. All the typeface is big and bold and all caps. The art want to squish you like a bug. Factories have the logo and name in enormous red letters that cover the entire front of the building. The sky scrapers are all tented glass, gray concrete and brushed metal. There are hostels everywhere and the main stretch is called the Ramblus where even at 1am there were tons of people waling up and down this stretch. Off the Ramblus is a maze of dark back alley side streets that if you where to venture down in Atlanta you would need to bring your best kung fu, but all good over there, people are just chill, and no one bothered me for change, they will walk up with a warm beer to sell ya, so its not a bad deal to give out change, you get a drink out of it.

We hit tapas bars and ate some awesome seafood (the food is all incredible and not once did I order a number two or open a plastic bag to eat). The sangria was very good and made the evening very agreeable.

As I was walking I thought to myself, There are all these people over here, and not one of them even know me. It was a funny thought. You know there are people and buildings and what not over there, but the school I went to taught that once you leave America you are entering a wasteland of cannibals and mutant inbreeds that fight for scraps and are beaten by secret police as thunderdome glistens on the horizon. As it turns out, just a bunch of people living there who have not had the misfortune of watching a Paulie Shore movie in a theater. Not a bad way of life. People very friendly, I actually felt like the asshole cause if some one says hey to you in Atlanta I usually say buzz off.  There it came off as rude.

And thus back to the hotel and the next day dropped off at the airport and back home. The babies stayed with my folks so there was a big reunion and our youngest Cameron cried and was so pissed when he saw us. Like, What the hell is the matter with you people leaving me like that. You got a lot of nerve! My folks had that 100 yard stare thing going on. Kids are like having deranged midgets strapped to your back all day, and I guess you get used to the calm that follows once you get them out of the house. This was a nice flashback for them I suppose. It was good to be back.

In hindsight, the whole thing plays out like movie fantasy camp but I learned some pretty cool lessons and opened my mind up a bit. I learned that people are actually making money doing this, and some people are actually taking it seriously. It was nice to say hey I want to make horror movies and the response not be, stay away from my kids weirdo. Everyone was there to hustle and get closer to whatever definition of success theyve programmed into their minds, I was. It was all illusion and ego, but know that going in then it can be pretty fun. I winked and put my tongue in my cheek and just snuck in the back door and made it up as I went along. There is no formula. And it is a big big world and all I need is 1000 people giving me ten bucks a year. Killer chicken or obtuse art film, its all the same thing. Room for everyone. Nothing is true,everything is permitted.


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Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Im having huge brainstorms on the next project, how to streamline the process, make it so that one area is not fighting against the other, this is very distracting as I am in my cube as I do this and want to pop!

I am collecting this and it will be like a 30 second daily flash cartoon based on the morning writing. All this will cumulate into a quarterly collection and as visualizations for the next film that people can preorder. The drawings and writing and toons will be integrated to shops and itunes. This will need to be as automated as humanly possible so I can focus on the writing and animation parts. Finish and hit a button and it goes out to the various print to order outlets.

Need ideas on streamlining and new lettering and email lists.


The information contained in this e-mail message is intended only for the personal and confidential use of the recipient(s) named above. This message may be an attorney-client communication and/or work product and as such is privileged and confidential. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient or an agent responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this document in error and that any review, dissemination, distribution, or copying of this message is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by e-mail, and delete the original message.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

On to the blogosphere!

I sent the film out to a horror blog for a review this morning. Ill let you know about once its up, but the plan again is to attack the blogosphere pretty hard, saturate it, permeate it, defile it with my slimy tentacles of corruption. There will be no crevice on the internet that has not been exposed to my chicken!


Monday, June 15, 2009

Zombeak! going out, the second wave!

So the York folks want more Zombeak reviews sent over to them, something the buyers want to see. So this week Ill be sending out more screeners to various horror sites and blogs. If anyone reading this has one and would like to test their nerves against the raw insane terror of Zombeak, shoot me an email and link to your site and Ill shoot back with a screener.

Inch by inch.

Foot by foot.

Mile by Mile.


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Friday, June 12, 2009

listening to "Queer - Garbage" ♫
listening to "lionel richie-say you say me - " ♫
listening to "Take my breathe away (Top Gun) - Berlin" ♫
listening to "Take It Higher - Jeff Alford" ♫
listening to "Order Of Death - Public Image Ltd." ♫
listening to "Day in Day Out (Single Version) - David Bowie" ♫
listening to "Leatherface - Lääz Rockit" ♫
listening to "Cornflake Girl (2006 Remastered LP Version) - Tori Amos" ♫
listening to "The Crusher - Ramones" ♫
listening to "Skin - Oingo Boingo" ♫
listening to "The Damned Smash It Up - " ♫
listening to "Theme Song (Remix) - Raising Arizona" ♫
listening to "Coddingtown - Primus" ♫
from the incomprible pork soda ♫
listening to "Mann's Chinese - Naked" ♫
Always fun ...and gross. ♫

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

listening to "Adagio for Strings Op. 11 - Philadelphia Orchestra/Eugene Ormandy" ♫
listening to "Lux Aeterna (Live 2008) - Kronos Quartet" ♫
listening to "North by Northwest - Prelude - Elmer Bernstein" ♫
listening to "Signs theme - " ♫
listening to "Superman Theme - John Williams" ♫
listening to "Danny Elfman - Spiderman Theme" ♫
must visit that mall one day ♫
listening to "Faster pussycat house of pain - " ♫
like a chicken dance from 98 ♫
listening to "Venus Man Trap - Veruca Salt" ♫
@scream20: "80's.....:)"All I can think about now is Zoolander ♫
Musicians are freaks ♫
listening to "I Wanna Be Your Dog - Joan Jett and the Black Hearts" ♫
listening to "Spin Spin Sugar - Sneaker Pimps" ♫

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

@charmstep: "Great scene in Miss Congeniality. Nice cover. One of these early mornings, gonna be Blippin' for ... ♫
couple skate ♫
witchypoo ♫
resume fetal position ♫
@leaferi: "Whatever did Sebastion name his mother anyways? I could never make that part out.""it's not even on... ♫
the eagle flies on friday ♫
listening to "Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out - Odetta" ♫
@GroovyMonster: "(((( Vangelis – Spiral ))))"woahowowowoah! ♫
@leaferi: "from @volante via @bumble_b"try not to do the robot to this... just try ♫
@leaferi: "Oops, Peaches is from The Presidents of the United States of America. Can't resist throwing this o... ♫
@leaferi: "rb@djstbabu: "@Lupricus @DethTung That's pretty fly...""he's the dopest trip ♫
listening to "Main Title (Sudden Impact) by Lalo Schifrin - " ♫
perfection ♫
blah blah yeah yeah ♫
HyAH! i will do it ♫
more ashville nc ♫
Ashville NC is like this ♫
very nice ♫
scary ♫

Thursday, June 04, 2009

must escape the blip drip now ♫
listening to "Eddie And The Cruisers 80's - On The Dark Side" ♫
who's not having fun ♫
listening to "Roots Radicals - Rancid" ♫
should be said at least once a day. "would you like fries with that?" "hey, thrill my gorilla." ♫
... cause you're kinda creepy dude ♫
@Hypnotrash: "This song is Bananas! Go Annete, you're far out!" Yes yes yes, and for that, you get one that po... ♫
listening to ""Van Halen" Honest Don's Records - Nerf Herder" ♫
listening to "Hung Up (Album Version) - Madonna" ♫
listening to "Die Another Day - Madonna" ♫
his needs are more so he gives less! ♫
listening to "Merry Christmas - Ramones" ♫
listening to "People Who Died - The Jim Carroll Band" ♫
listening to "Shock Treatment- Bitchin' In The Kitchen - " ♫
listening to "Numa Numa - O-zone" ♫
listening to "She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals" ♫
give off my lawn you darn hooligans! ♫
listening to "She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals" ♫
When it shows up, got to vent it or you'll die ♫
Damn I love this ♫
listening to "I'm Going Home - Rocky Horror Picture Show" ♫
listening to "Billy Joel We Didn't Start The Fire - " ♫
listening to "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) (Edit) (2006 Digital Remaster) - R.E.M." ♫

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

@leaferi: "@Totengrber One of the few times that I don't mind the video."oh man that is funny! ♫
favorite nirvsong ♫
listening to "neil young rocking in the free world music video - " ♫
listening to "Sleep Now (Hughes Hall) - Dark City" ♫
listening to "Origin of Love - Hedwig and the Angry Inch" ♫
listening to "Insane Clown Posse/Twiztid Murder City Christmas - " ♫
listening to "L7: The Bomb... - " ♫
listening to "Landslide - Fleetwood Mac" ♫
listening to "Dream On (lyrics) - Aerosmith" ♫
listening to "Die Fürsten der Dunkelheit (Soundtrack) - John Carpenter´s" ♫
listening to "Circle of Life (English HQ) - The Lion King" ♫
listening to "Sammy Davis Jr - " ♫
listening to "I'm going down - Bruce Springsteen" ♫
listening to "Venus by Shocking Blue - " ♫
listening to "Hurdy Gurdy - " ♫
listening to "Werewolves Of London - " ♫
listening to "White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane" ♫
listening to "Just Like Honey - The Jesus And Mary Chain" ♫
listening to "Just Another Victim - Neelix" ♫
listening to "Shop Boyz -- Party Like a Rockstar - " ♫

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

500 Words About a Monkey

Gogo had a mouth of rotten teeth. They shifted and turned in his gums
causing pain to explode across his nerves and blood to run down his
throat. All bananas had to be pureed now. He often wanted to pull
them, just to be done with it, but holding the pliers, putting the
metal in his mouth, feeling the clamp, he always lost the nerve. Too
much pain. Even drunk, too much pain. So Orajel was his constant
companion. Always a half squished tube in his backpack. His breath
always medicinal and rotten. His words always slurred and sluggish.
Not much alternative though. Even good jobs wouldn't pay dental these
days, and Gogo wasn't officially employed at all. Contract Party
Monkey was never known for the comprehensive benefits.

He sat in a molded plastic chair and went though an abandoned paper
sack of party favors. Old kazoos, chewed ends on deflated balloons,
busted tops with no spin, a paper sack of trash left under the chair
Gogo now waited in. It was a suckers bet that waiting would produce
any opportunity at all. The good gigs all went to the clowns. That's
how it ran. After that you had to be at least clownish just to get
something cruddy. The purists, the monkeys that wouldn't hide the
jungle in them, they got the slush, the run off, the sewage. But
mostly they waited all day long to get nothing.

Other monkeys leaned on greasy walls. The office was a magnet for
wayward hopefuls looking to get off the road and into showbiz. Life of
glamour. Life of play. No more grunting under the hot sun, living from
vine to vine, running from tigers. Eventually the jungle got to
everyone, and there on the horizon was that big city beckoning to you.
A new life just a day's journey away. If you could break in, the whole
world would open up. Stability was a new concept for monkeys, but once
you tasted it, it was something you could get used to fast. But first
someone would have to call your name.

The one clown left lurking in the corner was feeling pretty cocky, but
he was only kidding himself. This bozo had a rep around town of having
too much fun with the kiddies. They let him hang around, it was a free
country and the office doors were open to anyone, but the bosses
weren't going to give this guy nothing. The chimps knew he was a wash
up, and tuned him out as he yammered on and on about his lineage.
Skamps was his name, and he was descended from one of the big top's
founding fathers. He was royalty, like it mattered in that dump. Old
clown blood in his veins, and pervert or not, he would still make
twice the cash of any monkey if he ever did get a gig. The best
all-singing all-dancing monkey in town made peanuts when compared to
the lousiest red nosed lush. All you had to have was that red nose.
The red nose was power and privilege.