Let us see for how long I can write a blog a day.
Today was the deadline for my November script, which is only half-finished. So I am going to set it aside and work on an editing project for the next 20 days and pick it back up after Christmas.
The goal of writing a script every month is still lingering out there, but I have yet to develop the disciple required to hit that goal. I want to be like Larry Cohen who wrote prolifically and with apparent ease.
My goal is to write something as good as It's Alive.
It's good to have goals again. I fought depression back in 2021, after a long battle that started in 2019 the moment I finished Clown Versus Monkey. I was pretty much finished after that and was rudderless for a while.
This was one of the longest periods I'd experienced. And I can tell you it only ended after what I can only describe as divine intervention.
During this period I had resigned myself to putting filmmaking aside and just enjoying life. But that felt horrible and the antidepressant made me a tranquil zombie.
I know it has been a tough two years for a lot of us. I lost a best friend to Covid, almost last my father in law. I know people have lost jobs and livelihoods and hope. The world was turned upside down due to the pandemic.
I've had it pretty good considering what everyone else has been experiencing. Depression made me blind to it all. All I felt was numbness for days, weeks, and months,
The funny thing was the antidepressant took away the anxiety and replaced it with a dull peace that felt worse. I missed the anxiety once it was gone. I had this giant hole that it used to fill and I couldn't find something as interesting to replace it.
So I took myself off the pills, hoping to start feeling again, and I did, but in a new way.
I've been veering between agnostic/atheist, depending on my mood, for the last decade or so.
But not anymore. I now attend the church of gospel music. It is something I remember my late father doing. It is a clandestine congregation. I attend it every morning in my headphones. The message in the music is so positive and full of hope, that it has made a difference in me. I feel healed of the depression and anxiety that has plagued me my entire life.
I don't know if I believe all the ins and outs of Christian Theology, but that doesn't seem to matter to God. He is saving me every day regardless of what I think of him.
This is more personal than I usually write about, but I needed to put something down, so there it is.
Let's see if I write more tomorrow.
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
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