Sunday, April 14, 2013
Star Wars : Dream Fiction
Last night I dreamed of Star Wars. Maybe this was Episode VII anxiety manifesting, but here it goes. What I remember from the dream.
Luke was old, like Mark Hamill old, as was Han and Lea, so it must have been Ep. VII.
I am watching the movie in the dream, not participating, though it feels super 3D. I can smell the Gold Bond powder.
They have caught Han Solo, and they are going to dip him in a big vat of space evil to turn him into the ultimate killing space monster. He's all scared and worried and all the other cast are in these cages, like slaughter house cages.
This pit of evil, well, it looks like one of the vats of chocolate from Starbucks. Those can be nasty.
Somehow they escape and are running around the evil space station, and there I realize how low budget this one is because they shot it in the Mall of Georgia. They are running down Escalators and past Shoe Carnival and whatnot. I always hate when advance societies look like giant shopping malls.
In the end, they all get tired of running and fighting, because when does that ever solve anything. And so Luke makes everyone sit down to diner. Good Force and Dark Force all sit down around some hot space food and Luke wants everyone to talk about their feelings. Luke starts it up by looking Han in the face and saying that he feels that Han isn't ever there. like he is there, but his mind is always a million miles away. Luke needs Han to be there. Really there.
That makes the movie too awkward to continue and the end credits role, These are super cool end credits that look like the old Star Wars arcade game where everything was made of blue outlines.
Everyone in the theater is furious and dumbstruck by how terrible this was. It was Holiday Special bad. We can''t believe J.J. Abrams made such a terrible abomination and everyone reevaluates the prequels as not being that bad. Especially now that we have Episode VII: I Never Promised You A Space Station.
ps - found this bit of awesome looking for Star Wars Norman Rockwell.