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Saturday, July 16, 2016
Clown Versus Monkey: When Bonzo Met Preston
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Monday, July 04, 2016
H4J!
41 days/ 936 pieces.
Zombeak! will be released stateside tomorrow on the They Crawl compilation from Echo Bridge Entertainment.
Happy Forth!
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Zombeak! will be released stateside tomorrow on the They Crawl compilation from Echo Bridge Entertainment.
Happy Forth!
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Clown Versus Monkey: 45
I did not get further with pieces last night, but got the computer to cool down and did some clean up.
Computer running better, need to get some more space. The RAM cannot be increased.4G is as big as it can get on this machine. Will improvise.
Right now, the score is 981/45.
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Clown Versus Monkey: RAM
Knock Knock
- Who's There?
RAM
- RAM Who?
4 gigs of RAM is not enough to finish this movie. Maybe when it was a little guy, but now, no. Buy some RAM.
- Who are you?
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
- Who's There?
RAM
- RAM Who?
4 gigs of RAM is not enough to finish this movie. Maybe when it was a little guy, but now, no. Buy some RAM.
- Who are you?
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Monday, June 27, 2016
Clown Versus Monkey: Into the Abyss
So here's some math.
I have 988 steps left to finish Clown Versus Monkey.
A friend wants to show it at a festival coming up.
He will show it as a work in progress.
I have 1152 hours before the fest.
I can do about 3 steps in an hour, baring computer glitches and obsessive tweaking.
That is 3/988 = 329 hours.
329/48 = 6.85 hours a day.
Let's say 7 hours a day, until August.
Let's say 3.5 before work and 3.5 after work.
Is it possible? Can I live 48 days in that CvM zone?
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
I have 988 steps left to finish Clown Versus Monkey.
A friend wants to show it at a festival coming up.
He will show it as a work in progress.
I have 1152 hours before the fest.
I can do about 3 steps in an hour, baring computer glitches and obsessive tweaking.
That is 3/988 = 329 hours.
329/48 = 6.85 hours a day.
Let's say 7 hours a day, until August.
Let's say 3.5 before work and 3.5 after work.
Is it possible? Can I live 48 days in that CvM zone?
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Cameron Conkle's Mars Rover Life Cycle
Cameron spent five hours drawing 100 pictures of the Mars Rover's life cycle.
I put some sound effects on it and there you go. Cameron's obsessive personality is perfect for animation. We actually had some creative differences over how many "pops" to use.
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Wednesday, March 09, 2016
Friday, February 19, 2016
Ten Reasons You Should See The Church (1989)

1. A big event in high school was when a group of buddies
and I took the subway to the one theater in Atlanta that was showing Cemetery
Man. It was a horror geek pilgrimage to see a bonafide Italian Zombie Movie. A
great movie, a great memory. Cemetery Man became a reference point in our
marathon movie conversations. The director Michele Soavi did this movie before Cemetery
Man, and you can see the same style here, especially when winged lizard man
shows up.

2. This movie is all about the atmosphere. Nothing scary
happens, but it’s so beautifully shot, staged, and lit that you don’t care. Great
atmosphere and takes full advantage of the huge gothic cathedral they shot in.
If you get to shoot in an ancient gothic cathedral, it can only help your
movie. You got Cathedral? Movie makes itself.
3. Asia Argento is here as a gawky preteen who loves to go
out to cheesy Italian discos and dance with preppy little dweebs in Member’s
Only jackets. This was way before I met Asia at a Fango convention, married
her, only to have the relationship fall
apart under the microscope of public scrutiny. It was nobody’s fault.
Somethings aren’t built to last.
4. Hey, it has the degenerate from Gates of Hell, Giovanni
Lombardo Radice, all grown up and bald, this time playing a priest. Even in the
white collar, this guy is a greasy mess.

5. Speaking of greasy messes, everyone in this movie ends up
coated in baby oil. I liked that, lots of greasy hair and greasy, grimy skin,
and an alter made of muddy, writhing bodies. I guess that was an alter. Maybe
an animal head? Not sure what they were going for, but it looked cool. Bottomline:
There are no wet wipes in this world.
6. I liked that they didn’t go Evil Dead make up in depicting the possessed people. People just start
acting crazy. You don’t know who’s possessed, or if everyone is possessed. Is
anyone sane in this movie?!? The over the top acting and dubbing adds to this
confusion. Are they crazy and possessed, or is this just bad acting? It’s
great.
7. The greatest
dubbing comes when someone gets possessed and starts retching and gagging. I
can picture the actor in the sound booth making all these noises, the director
trying to guide his gacks and groans. Hilarious.
8. Philip Glass on the soundtrack, if that’s your kind of
thing, kind of thing, kind of thing, kind of thing, kind of thing, kind of
thing, kind of thing. You also get Goblin. So it’s legit.
9. Goat Head Man was fantastic. Imagine the love scene in Rosemary’s Baby, but with a big rubber goat head.
10. I missed this when it came out in the 80s. I love the
homemade feel.
All done in camera. I didn’t see one optical. Feels like theater and photography, not like Home Video with CG
monsters thrown on top.
Pairs well with: Prince of Darkness (1987) – It’s Carpenter,
so you know it’s awesome, and the two movies share a lot of plot similarities.
Show Stopper! Two words: Subway Train
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Monday, January 18, 2016
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Ten Thoughts on “Goke, Body Snatcher from Hell” – 1968
So Hulu has all these Criterion releases, most of which I have zero interest in watching, but with a title like “Goke, Body Snatcher from Hell”, how could I resist!
1. This is my kind of movie. Low budget and schlocky, with a twisted black heart. What will shock you is how nihilistic it is, while at the same time being really corny. It’s like Guernica done in Crayola.
2. The location is brutal. The characters are in a downed passenger jet in the middle of a barren desert. It looks like a Mad Max wasteland, but with lots of Styrofoam rock slides. People are being baked in this metal tube and every time they step outside a rock falls on them or a space vampire tries to give them a hickey. Rough times.
3. The alien is parked in the desert in this plastic UFO, and that’s pretty great...
...but the way it turns people into vampires is marvelous and will make you want to throw up. A very convincing special effect goes down that wasn’t just good for the time period, but good for the ages. It’s so effective and cool and weird. It’s one of those great culty moments that give iffy movies big reputations. I'm not going to show it here, you're just going to have to watch the movie. Don't google it. Don't!
4. The aliens seem to base their technology on lava lamps and psychedelic light shows. The inside of the UFO looks like a 1980's Steak Restaurant. I kept wondering if my table was ready.
![]() |
| I should have called ahead. |
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| Same as it ever was. |
5. The film stock adds to the retro shag carpet appeal. 1960s Fujicolor. Maybe a cinematographer could let me in on why movies of the period look so fantastic. Nowadays cheap schlock looks like garbage, but back then cheap schlock looked like real movies.
| Oh! The colors! | ||
|
6. Similar to Night of the Living Dead where trapped characters spend the whole movie bickering with each other. Civility is gone the moment they are thrown into crisis. Both movies came out the same year, but this wasn’t released state side until ’77 to ‘79 depending where you look it up. I would say the biggest difference would be that instead of an army of zombies, you get one split faced creepy guy. He’s still pretty menacing.
7. My favorite character moment is the sadistic glee that the psychiatrist takes in watching people fall apart. People just don’t have these moments in American movies.
| Very constructive, thank you. |
| Sayonara, Mr. Bond. |
9. Interesting that political and domestic terrorists figure into the plot so strongly. Da more things change… badda badda boom!
10. If you were going to watch this as a double feature, I would say match it with either Lifeforce or The Blob (‘58 version). Both big amoebas and space vampires show up in Goke, so take your pick. However, Goke vampires tend to be less naked than the Lifeforce variety. Just saying.
![]() |
| You can get with this... |
| ... or you can get with that. |
![]() |
| Same as it ever was. |
![]() |
| Same as it ever was. |
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Monday, December 21, 2015
Ten Thoughts on Star Wars: The Force Awakens
I’ll try not to spoil anything, but you should run go see the
movie before reading this. It’s great. That’s my short review. It’s great. Go
see it. See it lots. Below is just some rambling. I don’t remember people’s
names. Sorry in advance.
1. Harrison Ford. Oh man Harrison Ford is so good
in this, brings his chops, brings Han Solo awesomeness, brings it. It was
everything that the return of Indiana Jones
wasn’t. In fact, maybe my favorite scene is him telling his stance on the Jedi
and the force and all that mumbo jumbo. Loved that scene and it also serves as
a fix for the Chrystal Skull where you needed to see how life changed and
bent him over the years.
2. Speaking of acting, no one sucks. Everyone is in
the spirit, looking alive and having fun. It was joyful. Living breathing
people that you wanted to hang around for 2 hours. No Space C-SPAN in this one.
3. Funny! Remember when Star Wars movies had a
sense of humor? Well they do again!
4. Very nostalgic. This movie is a big sloppy kiss
to the first movie. The plot hits the same notes with little spins. JJ is the
first Star Wars director to have grown up watching Star Wars, probably wanted
to make movies because of Star Wars, and his twiterpation locks this movie in
to the exuberant fanboy geekery zone. That keeps it from breaking new ground or
going places the movies haven’t gone before, but it is a solid iteration of all
that we love about those first three movies.
5. I loved the struggles of conscience the evil
characters have. The Darth Vader 2.0 Guy has a great quiet scene in his
chamber, kind of a “to be or not to be” moment, that I really dug. Same with
the shell shocked storm trooper. It’s a very optimistic view of the world that
the antagonists are just as unsure of themselves as the heros. The dark side
here is played as some sort of creepy cult that will steel your babies away. I
liked that angle.
6. The female lead in this is great. Liked the mummy costume. A good guy in a Star Wars movie with a British accent?
That’s not right! I’m going to let it slide.
7. Deathstar 3.0 is a gas guzzler.
8. Big planet blows up, my kid cries and asks “Is
Jar Jar okay?” Look, you raise your kids
the best you can, but you have to let them be their own people at some point.
Generation gap is a go.
9. So the scene on the bridge. I was a Teenage
Darth Vader. Sure, I got verklempt. Held it together but not going to lie. I have wanted
to see Harrison Ford be in scenes like this for a long time. After Cowboys and Aliens and The Chrystal Skull, I thought he’d lost it. He is back and the bridge
scene, man that gave me the feels pretty hardcore. Wow. See number 1.
10. But the last scene, I couldn’t even talk
afterwards. I would have liked one more little thing, a moment, but that is nitpicking.
I won’t nitpick, because the moment we’re given is wonderful, we see so much pathos
and regret and uncertainty in the eyes… it’s a great moment. I rambled about it in the
car trip home and my throat kept catching. Phew.
Bonus: Loved the Space Nazi Rally scene with the crazy
Hitler speech. Who hasn’t wanted to see that in a Star Wars movie?
Nutshell: Fury Road, Jurassic World, and this prove that
your awesome childhood wasn’t a complete hallucination.
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Monday, November 02, 2015
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Don't Mention the Toupee
Scooping grave dirt with hands the size of platters,
Raymond the Ghoul dug for his dinner. The full moon lit this nightly ritual,
and the ground gave easily as a fresh corpse had been planted earlier that day.
Under the moon’s silver light, Raymond could now see his
skullish features reflected off the uncovered polished wooden casket. He wasn’t a bad
looking monster, in fact his mom used to call him cute, but Raymond had never
been happy with himself.
Opening the casket was a cinch with hands and strength such
as Raymond’s. His body nothing but exposed bone, vein, and sinew. All protein
diet. His stomach rumbling now. You learn to appreciate the tang of formaldehyde.
Eventually you crave it.
The tender body lay before him. Rumble. An old grey man in a
well-tailored suit. What strength his flesh would give him. How his bones would
crunch under his teeth, how his… what is this? Such a magnificent thatch of
brown upon his waxen wrinkled head!
Raymond returned to the underworld with a full belly and a polyester mane perched on his bony brow. The gremlins and goblins would snicker, but
Raymond walked too high to hear.
SDROG
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Monday, September 21, 2015
Tuesday, September 08, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Random Review: It Follows (2014)

Do I have anything to add to the conversation
going on about this movie? The synth score, the beautiful cinematography,
naturalistic performances. The horror community is falling all over themselves
for this movie. Me fangushing all over the internet will only add to
the numbing collective shriek that surrounds this movie. Screw it.
Here it comes.
I was not expecting to like this. There has been so much
hype around it I was growing suspect. I heard the soundtrack was interesting, but some horror fans I
trust saw it and were underwhelmed. I stayed away in the theater. Hype machine
isn’t going to get me this time! I should have gone to see it in the theater.
Those wide shots would have been nice on the big screen.
The big influence that people throw at this is John
Carpenter. Sure, it has some of his play book going on, and I appreciate that.
Carpenter is my main guy and when I see people send love his way I’m happy, but
what I saw while watching was Brian DePalma by way of Dario Argento. The shots
were so well choreographed ala DePalma, with the long pans slowly building
tension and telling the story through the visuals. The vivid colors and
stylistic lighting choices reminded me of European horror. The dream logic of
this world reminded me of Argento on a good day.
What grounded this wild premise was the authenticity of
the protagonists. The young adults dealing with this problem are so normal, so
comfortable with each other, I never doubted they’d been friends since
childhood. They had a calm ease that
comes from being friends for a long time. They seemed to really care and love
one another, their personalities blending, and they liked hanging back and
playing dumb card games or watching dumb movies just because they liked being
in each other’s presence. So many movies have the most unlikely friends. The
jock, nerd, basket case, princess, and criminal usually don’t run in the same
circles. In most horror movies they have one stereotype of each group
represented, and I always wonder what they have in common and how they suffer
each other. In some movies, all friends do is argue and needle one other. I
watch some movies and think, “Are these people really friends? They seem to
hate each other!”
Is the synth soundtrack awesome? Yes. Did it take me out of
the movie? Sometimes. Why? Because it was so aggressively weird that you had to
stop and pay attention to it. During the movies big moments, it was perfect,
driving the scenes with a perfect accompaniment, but during the quiet scenes, I
was listening to the sound track more than watching the movie.
Just to desecrate this temple a little more. The invisible
man final confrontation was more funny than scary. If you are going to make
this monster have a physical presence, then why hasn’t anyone locked it up in a
box by now? I’m no fun. Never mind.
I am predisposed to like this movie as I’ve had this same
anxiety in my life. In my case it was a floating metallic sphere, like a
robotic eyeball, that was slowly tracking me and always coming closer.
Eventually it would catch up to me and do me in. I also believe that everyone
has “The Giant Dump Truck of Suck” that is always backing up to
eventually dump on them “The Big Sucky Thing” that they will have to deal with in
their lives. Some people get the truck as infants, some live charmed lives
until they’re old and feeble, but we all get our own personal "Sucky Thing" eventually doled out.
This brings me to what I think the movie is about and why I
think it has become so popular. This movie is about our silly lives and all the
futile stuff we do to stave off death or keep from thinking about it.
By having sex, you are embracing life but at the same time you are biologically
acknowledging your own mortality. At the base level, we want to survive death; we
want to live on in some way past our allotted years. Death will wipe us out,
but maybe having an offspring will keep some part of us on this earth a little
longer. Or maybe creating something, a scratch on the wall, will keep us around
after we’re gone. We also need to keep our minds off the slowly approaching oblivion.
Watching movies, playing cards, going to the beach, falling in love, living
busy lives filled with noise, all an attempt to drown out the endless, infinite silence that is on a steady and certain interception with us. I feel that the
movie hits some primal part of our lizard brains that knows all this fighting
to get another day of sun is ultimately pointless. In the end, like in the
movie, we bond with someone, we find a mate, we blur our identities (the two
main characters have on matching outfits in the end), we cling to one another
and throw parties and wait out the rest of our days together. Doesn’t change
anything. Death is always coming. It always wins. This movie is about the trivial little things we do while we wait for it to show up. It’s a downer, depending
how you look at it, but it is an honest meditation on the subject, and like The
Babadook before, it is a great metaphor for how real horror is never defeated,
but eventually accepted as a natural part of existence.
Note to the reader, I am turning forty in a few weeks so I may be enjoying a midlife morbidity phase. Sorry about that.
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Monday, July 06, 2015
SKETCH GUTTER: Squat
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Sketch Gutter: Teenagers
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Friday, May 22, 2015
SKETCH GUTTER: Cup o Joe.
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Pig's Good Day
My ideal would be this. All animals are allowed to live on that perfect farm we all have in our heads, implanted there from watching cartoons. Red barn. White fence. Hills of green sun-kissed pastures and shady trees. All farmers should have straw hats, blue overalls, and should at all times have a stalk of wheat tucked in the side of their mouths. In this environment, animals are allowed to roam and play. Meet someone special. Fall in love. Have some babies.
Only after that, as say the pig grows to middle-age and is content to rest under a tree in a cool puddle of mud, do we send in the counselor. The counselor is expected, the pig knew this day would come, but it is okay. The counselor sits with the pig and through some sort of technology that has yet to be invented, talks with the pig about its life, are there any regrets he has, anything left undone?
With this information, the counselor takes the pig out for the time of its life! No dream left unfulfilled! A festival of dancing and song and clandestine rendezvous. Pure magic. A lifetime of joy crammed into 12 hours.
Then, as the sun sets on the farm, pig and counselor sit on the high hill and watch the sky turn a golden vibrant pink and orange, like fire painted across the heavens. The counselor holds the pig's hoof, asks if the pig had a good day. The pig watches the sunset. A tear forms and its eye, making it sparkle, and the pig takes a breath, and says, "This was the most perfect day of…" He never finishes. A man in a long black coat, wearing black leather gloves has been standing behind him the whole time, waiting for this moment. A pistol with silencer pointed to the back of the pig's skull. "This was the most perfect day of… " The trigger pulled. It's all over. The pig sleeps. That is how bacon should be made.
SD
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
SKETCH GUTTER: Butcher
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Stay Stupid
Sure, I was like you. I wanted answers. I wanted facts. I needed measurements, and charts, and graphs. Show me a picture, write me a book. It didn't matter how big or small the subject. I had to look, know, feel it. The world owed me an explanation, and I got it. Oh boy. Now look at me!
The body changes. You are not the you from yesterday. No. The same name, the same shoes, the same clothes. But all that you learn takes you further from yourself, and deeper into the mad dangerous visions of strangers. Strangers with strange minds get in and blanket your brain with all those measurements, and facts, and biographical histories. Whatever your brain had tried to grow is now smothered. The light cannot reach you anymore. The wind is blocked by the rabble of expert opinions. A neat and tidy facade covering the great unknowable.
In such a poisonous environment, the body will change. Each little fact working and distorting. The cells will change. Every seven years the cells have replaced themselves. Who are you? Whose ideas have nurtured your new growth?
Sure, this brand of mine is a tower. This skull of mine fortress. The cells multiplied to accommodate all the new strangers who moved in. A tenement. I'm never lonely. But to look at the night and know terror again. To eat hard candy with the same relish as I do steak. To look and not know. What I wouldn't do to have that back.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Underbite
Agent said "Great, great, great, but fix that underbite. Nobody wants to dream through a snaggle toothed werewolf." It hurt, but I'm thick skinned. Gotta be in this biz. I took his reference, made an appointment, sat in the waiting room, and read Wired Magazine until the nurse called me back.
Oh and ah is what the nurse said feeling around my gumline. Oh and me is what the orthodontist said running gloves over my jaw. Not going to be cheap. Not going to be easy. Lot of pain involved. A lot of tears. No Insurance? A lot of bills.
I never went to college. This would be my education. Pass through the membrane. Blast the hole with credit. Doing what you love takes sacrifice. What would Daniel Boone do it faced with reconstructive dental surgery?
They broke my jaw. Off. Accident they said. Accidents happen. More surgeries. More money. Couldn't audition. Face wrapped in drool soaked gauze. Couldn't read lines. They hammered and sawed on my face. Months and months. I worked stock jobs, mail rooms. Out of the spotlight. Painful to be in the shadows.
Doc got me straight, though he could never completely erase the underbite. Threw in a free whitening. Agent didn't recognize me at first, but now, I have auditions lined up for weeks. The head shots don't lie. The underbite gives me character, humanity, approachability. Perfection doesn't sell Pepsi.
Friday, May 08, 2015
I-Snail
I don't splurge on myself. Like to keep my money. Post consumer, that's me. Give me silence. That's all I need. Sleep and silence. However, when I heard that Apple had released the first wearable quantum computer, how could I resist?
I owed myself a luxury. This is why I work all these long hours, right? To indulge once in a while is fine. Is healthy. Is human. So off to the I-Store I went.
The line stretched out through the mall's double doors into the parking lot. The time was 5 AM. Everyone had been anticipating this latest advancement in personal bionic enhancement for years. Now, the day was here.
By noon, I had passed through the wide mouth of the I-Store. A genius took my measurements and asked how I would like my unit configured. I told him that I wanted to know what everyone's opinion of me was at all times of the day. If someone thought about me, I wanted to know. But only the positive. Please block all constructive criticism. Also, if I could listen to music, that would be great.
The genius smiled at me and then took a shiny white crate down from its high shelf. "Now once this goes on", he said, "there's no turning back." I thanked him, and kept thanking him, all the while he wrapped me in heavy black plastic. I am now a proud owner, if you couldn't tell, of an I-Snail. It even has a calendar.
Fight Evil
I owed myself a luxury. This is why I work all these long hours, right? To indulge once in a while is fine. Is healthy. Is human. So off to the I-Store I went.
The line stretched out through the mall's double doors into the parking lot. The time was 5 AM. Everyone had been anticipating this latest advancement in personal bionic enhancement for years. Now, the day was here.
By noon, I had passed through the wide mouth of the I-Store. A genius took my measurements and asked how I would like my unit configured. I told him that I wanted to know what everyone's opinion of me was at all times of the day. If someone thought about me, I wanted to know. But only the positive. Please block all constructive criticism. Also, if I could listen to music, that would be great.
The genius smiled at me and then took a shiny white crate down from its high shelf. "Now once this goes on", he said, "there's no turning back." I thanked him, and kept thanking him, all the while he wrapped me in heavy black plastic. I am now a proud owner, if you couldn't tell, of an I-Snail. It even has a calendar.
Fight Evil
SD
Thursday, May 07, 2015
JABBER: Office Drone
I wake up. Drink coffee. Comb my hair. Make polite conversation with the mirror. Practice smiling. Think about a word for the day. One word can start me on a new train. Nothing pops up. The books are empty upstairs.
First one in the office. Janitors just leaving. The air-conditioning is so loud when no one is here. It's like being in the sinuses of a whale practicing yoga. Exhale. I still don't have a word for the day. Exasperate? Nope.
Boss arrives. High fives the team and then calls me to her desk. She asks if I slept in the office again. No I say. Just got here early. Very early. She wants to know what I do all morning. I don't tell her about my word of the day. The mirror conversation. The deafening air conditioner. This and that is what I tell her. Still no word. Interrogation? No. That won't help me.
Lunch shows up, but I can't eat. My coworkers run out for sandwiches. I stay in. Too many choices on the menus. I stick to the vending machine. 803. Cheetos. I have Cheetos at 2 PM. Not doing that is as bad as not having a word.
Blowtorch. Is that two words? It will have to do. The train starts. I hop on. Faster and faster it barrels down the tracks. Blowtorch. All aboard. I feel the wind in my hair as I stick my head out the window. I can't hear the air conditioner over the whipping mountain wind around me. Blowtorch sets me free. The day ignites with color.
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Monday, May 04, 2015
Sketch Gutter: Baby On Bot
FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog
Clown Versus Monkey! Check It Out Here!
Buy Satanic Killer Chicken Here!
Watch Short Films Here!
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