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Friday, October 03, 2014

Halloween Horror Fest #2: Quick Notes on "You're Next" (2011)

You're Next (2011) Poster

I have a big sappy grin on my face. The gorehound is fed and my inner fanboy was given a big bro hug. Some movies are better after you sit through a million terrible ones. Long suffering horror nerds, don't turn away from your genre. Take a breath and watch this first. "You're Next" makes all those terrible slasher movies worth it.

I learned that rich people are terrible. They have no connection to themselves or others. It's all about the cash. Poor people are terrible too. Willing to do anything to get a taste of the good life. The only decent people are not from America. I learned New England makes terrible people. Australians are awesome.

In the movie, up tight rich people act snotty and treat each other terribly. Imagine a typical episode of Dynasty. Now imagine in the middle of Dynasty, a gang of slashers right out of an 80's movie crash the party and start killing everyone. It's the greatest final episode of any soap opera ever. The only thing missing is Joan Collin's head rolling down the stairs.

This movie is a secret handshake to horror freaks. In the first ten minutes of the movie, Barbara Crampton knows to leave at the first sign of trouble. Points. The good taste to cast Barbara Crampton. More Points. Ti West plays an auteur filmmaker in a pretentious hipster scarf. Larry Fessenden stops by for an embarrassing love scene. Having the most over qualified final girl ever... you win, movie.

This may be "Not Another Home Invasion Movie", but it's great. Lots of blood, guts, and painful moments. Blender. Nail. The running joke of the pop song playing on repeat. So much good stuff in this movie to soothe the jilted fan. See it if you've seen too many.

Sam Drog

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