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Friday, December 21, 2007

7:30am Blah Blah

Right now I’m brewing the day’s first pot of coffee and toasting up some toast, the Clifford Dog show is in the back ground, giving Sarah her morning fix of cartoons. I’m going to take this opportunity to just ramble bang the day into go mode.

Coffee at Starbucks is laced with crack, just in case you are wondering. Here is how it works. Columbian beans used for many Starbucks blends is grown in the same fields in South America where coca leaves where once cultivated. This has left a narcotic muck in the soil, a permeation of it. All things grown in this soil will create an addiction similar to narcotic addiction. If they where growing strawberries down there, it would be crazy addictive strawberries. There have actually been cases of armed robbery and muggings at and around Starbucks from this new bread of bean junkie. Be warned. Once a Starbucks opens in your neighborhood, the neighborhood will quickly determinate in to a slum. If you have Starbucks coffee in your house, keep it locked up and away from kids.

Last week there was the first case of a Starbucks heist, where seven men in Halloween masks stormed a store and forced the crew at gun point to brew gallons of coffee that where loaded into plastic five gallon jugs. This could be either for private consumption or resale on the street, where it is now popular to be taken intravenously.

Ever wonder why when you buy beans and bring them home the brew is not as potent as what you get at the store. Most home machines can not handle the amount of coffee used in the store to brew a pot, so it is weaker. Buy a bigger machine. Also those pots have been seasoned with years of that narcotic residue that can not be rinsed out. An addictive stain. In theory you could do the same with any stainless steel decanter. Fill it with some hot store made Starbucks coffee and then bury it in your back yard for no less then here weeks. The earth and darkness will mingle with the brew, and bond with the steel.

Now every time you brew a new pot, pour it immediately into this decanter and let it ruminate for a few minutes before serving. Notice the difference.


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