Ten Rambling Reasons to See JIGSAW (2017)

Not in the movie.

Ten whole reasons?!? This may be tough, but here we go.

1. No better or worse then the rest of the Saw movies. If you liked the others, you'll like this one. If you are like me, and are baffled by the fact that you keep paying to go see them, even though you never walk out thinking that they are any good, this movie will give you that old Saw feeling.

2. Such a lost opportunity. The last Saw was seven years ago. Before that, the Saw machine cranked one out every year, year after year, from 2004 to 2010. It was a juggernaut, but by cranking them out so fast they never stopped to catch their breath to figure out what was working or not. They became the same four scenes played at random, for 90 minutes, repeated once a year. The four scenes are.

- Police Procedural (Look Scoob, I found a clue!)
- 10 Angry Men in a Factory (Let's stop fighting and start working together!)
- Jigsaw sulking in his lab (Uhhhh, metal shop rules)
- The Traps (why you bought the ticket)

This movie does nothing to change that formula.

3. Because it is so familiar, it felt like putting on some nice old shoes. Or getting hash browns at Waffle House. I got what I paid for. It had been a while, so it was nostalgic. Being let down by a Saw movie is part of the experience.

4. Lost opportunity, because by taking a break, they could have deconstructed these movies and figured out a way to give us something that hit the Saw notes, but subverted our expectations. We all know how these things work by now. By throwing us some curve balls, they could have given us, the constant viewers, something fun. But they made just another Saw movie.

5. I was happy to see Costas Mandylor gone, but they found the most Mandylorian(?) guy they could to fill the spot.

6. Evil morgue girl was great.

7. Unintentional Funny Moment One: Jigsaw, "A young man died because you sold him a motorcycle with no breaks. That young man was my nephew."

8.   Unintentional Funny Moment Two: In a room with cement walls, a character bumps into the wall and it visibly shakes. It's an Ed Wood moment.

9. Unintentional Funny Moment Three: The lady with postpartum depression is played in the most hamfisted after school special manner possible.

10. The acting in the "10 Angry Men in a Factory" scenes are "Unsolved Mysteries" reenactment level awesomeness. Some of the greatest reenacting I have seen all year. Worth watching, very powerful. Bulging Eyeballs, furrowed brows, yelling and spitting, acting like a rabid baboons. Fantastic.

Bottom Line. You waited 7 years. You hired the Spierig Brothers. You could have done something to freshen up before inviting us over. Cooked us something new instead of reheating last weeks leftovers. I don't blame the directors on this one. They consistently give us strong movies, but if you have seen any of the behind the feature docs on the other Saw movies, you know they crank these out in a way not conducive the creative thinking. The train is rolling, you have two weeks to get this thing shot. No time to think. Shoot as fast as you can and just survive it.

Bottom Line Two: All my complaints are the same that my parents said about Friday the 13th movies. So I fully accept that this is generational thing, and that it is now my time to be the angry guy. The only difference is that F13 movies are awesome, and Saw movies are stupid.

Bottom Line Three: Glad I went. It feels like Halloween when you go see a Saw movie. It's traditional. Never as good as it could be, but that's all part of it.

One more funny moment! These movies are known for their crazy kills. Drowning in corn may be the scariest thing ever put in a movie. Nothing ups the suspense like corn.

CORN! CORN! CORN!

FIGHT EVIL
Sam Drog

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