Snowed In 13: When did it get Dark Outside?

So, home stretch Faceless Everybody/Nobody! Just a few more, and then, I can stop the rock. But didn't Fatboy Slim teach us that you can't stop the rock. Well, we shall see shalt we!


What where you doing in 1999? on Tuesday? I know. And I also know that Shatter Monkey has been following me arounf alot longer then I suspected.


I know I went to see L"mofo"7 on the 20th. I know I was working at B&N from 8-430. And there was a PROD MEETING. That i will not get into. Lets just say.... prodding.


Did I tell you about the time I tried to light an industrial film with christmas lights? Well... I did. And... Did it work you ask? Well... .... .... no.

Hey, when you suck at making industrial films, what do you do? Make a killer chicken film of coarse! here is the poster we hung at Startime Cinema on 6/6/06, and we had a hearse out front, and I worked my ass off to get a movie that was 45% finished shown to 135 very confused people. "Unmitigated" and "Disaster" were the two words running through my head at the time. I'm able to look back and drink about it now.

SD

Snowed In 12: Direct to Video Laboof

If you were wondering, listening to Elfman Batman soundtrack, eating Italian sausage and doritos, having irish cola, and about to prove to you why I run Bartertown beatches!



What's that look like to you? Embryonic Trash. Looks like nothing. What if I told you that was a cigerette butt. You would say maybe, "yeah so". What if I told you that this cigerette butt was dangling and enjoyed by the cinematic genius of all time. You would say, "no, it can't be". And I would say," I present to you, underling, scum, dog of the sewer, I present to you.... JOHN CARPENTER'S CIGERETTE BUTT!!! NOW BOW AND BEG AND PRAY FOR FORGIVNESS YOU WORM DOG OF FILTH! I COMMAND YOU TO BOW! BOW YOU FILTHY CREATURE OF STINK!!!!!! I had his water glass, that he nervously signed for me at dragon con, and that broke in a move. BUT, I still have the cigerrette butt that he crushed in front of a auditorium of drooling fanboys as simply as he crushed our dreams and ambitions of making movies. John Carpenter looked at us and said, "forget hope, forget your dreams, we all sell out eventually, those who do not are crushed and destroyed". Carpenter put on his sunglasses, looked in the mirror and saw a black and white skull-face. He was honest with us, when everyone else was piping indie movie hype into our heads. And that is why his worst film can beat up your best.


I hate Tolken. He made me hate reading. I love spray adhesive. And plastic bags. And that is the rearview mirror from my first car, an 84 granada, that I spray painted, and had a paper mache' and wire scupture for a hood ornimate, because I drive both 2 FAST and 2 FURIOUS!


In 2001, this ad was pulled from Starbucks because it was too simular to the 9/11 two towers. Nuff said.



SCIENCE! TECHNOLOGY! What is this voodoo that you hold that allows you to speak to faceless souls from the beyond!

Gawd, am I done yet?
SD

Snowed In 11, the reboot

I got food coming, this is going to be quick.



In this box, we have dozens of empty DVD boxes and a Devil Mask sculpted by Chris "Mofo" Misfud, who is the man, for thoses out of the loop. So the DVD boxes where collected by my friend Jayson because he needed a specific "nubbins" on his boxes, and if he bought a DVD, and the nubbin was wrong, he'd replace it with a box with the right "nubbin". and so most of his DVD boxes had to be replaced with proper nubbins, that only one manufacturer made. So I got the old boxes, because in my grand sceme of self distribution, nubbins were the least of my worries. So were lighting, sound, composition, and story.


so here is a journal titled "random stank", a zombeak slate, and the Blood Scrub slate dated 6/10/00, Scene 1-F, take 2.
Scene 1-f, oh yes, the martini shot, i remember it well. Lots of half and half dairy was poured all over the road on that glorious day.


a box of negative thoughts.

And I'm almost done, lets crank this out like Stathum on speed.

SD

Snowed In X: Mega Mega Supah-Cool

Jackpot here boys and girls, this is the muthaload, and by mutha, I mean your mother!


so, just a crate of crap, some camera bags, no big whoop!


Oh but no no no, my little friends from internet land. That is a bonifide 1994 Hitachi Cam-o-corder! That was predigital yo momma! We didn't know digital jack sh#T. We edited vhs deck to vhs deck, and it looked like SH#T! And we liked it that way! And this little bastard cost me 800 dollars I made flipping burgers while Disney's "A Whole New World" piped in throught the speakers, so don't say i haven't suffered for my schlock. I stab you in the neck!

And Pentax made a camera that I bought and took alot of pictures of things that ment alot to me in 1996-2001 (when the advance broke): bricks, telephone lines, mud, concret pillers, more mud, trees, abandoned houses, my own reflection looking deep, traffic, stop lights, and mud.


and under the bags, alot more awesome, mainly the comfort object mainstays: markers and post its,  my wellbeing for 15 years. There was a movie titled "the safety of objects" a few years ago (prob 10 years ago), and that rings very true with me. Thank you Post Its, thank you markers, thank you DIS A LU SION ME-E-ANT!
SD

Snowed In 9: Drog Goes to Hell

Woah, tired, but carring on for you faceless everyone!



TO DO: Call Wes - get Sex.


The question posed was never answered in this edition. Maybe it never will be.


If every crate is labeled "very important", does it mean ANYTHANG!!!!!


and this, WTF, I don't even know where to start..... superglue? Ramones song? More RCA cables? Thank GAWD! I thought I was out.


Now that wasn't so bad, should be able to knock more of that out.

Don't go away, tell me what I missed, save my seat.
SD

Snowed In 8: Got to Get Through This!

So the novelty of this is wearing off, so this will be less indepth coming up, because I have a li..... well, I got kids looking at me with that "YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR US" look.



Ever feel old, well, in 1980ish, JC Penny Outlet had the 12 inch Star Trek Motionless Picture figures, and I wanted that Klingon, and if I had it now, I would walk around with it rubberbanded to my head and go into a ""CYBERCAFE"" and be pronounced King of the Day! I have Coolio on the headphones BTW, see you when U get there makes me misty. Cuz I'm sappy.



Steph did this one. Reminds me of.... hmmm..... CIRCLE OF LIFE BEATCHES!



Once "sangwich" becomes unfunny, it is over. no redemption after that!


Where is that crucial document, OMG! File under Whaaaaaaa?

Next time.... will Batman be chosen for the Jenny Craig spokesperson. Tune in latah!

SD

Snaowed In 7: A New Psychic Buddy for Peace!

So here we go! Back into the thick of my cleaning out the closet, cuz my whole life is exsists in the closet.


this was labeled "very important". inside a very important desk lamp and siren light. Thank GAWD I found that stuff. Also is the Zombeak promp book, and somehow, my art degree survived the catbox. Correcting that mistake NOW!



These are very important grown up documents that you must save forever and ever justin case the guvmt comes after you and wants to know what you spent fifty cents on five years ago. Basically, all being a "grown up" is is the ability to file CRUCIAL DOCUMENTS away for the dark future where the GUVMT will be knocking down your door and wanting some code on some sheet of paper that you where supposed to have kept. And if you don't have it, that's why they have flame throwers and steel batons. Keep your CRUCUAL DOCUMENTS! Thanks Rubber Maid! you are my protector against GUVMT invaders! I do like NASA though. Whatev.

As mush as I like tracing. Could trace all day. Phtotshop and vectors have nothing on old fashioned tracing. Your momma's a tracer!

Jeff, I found your Battlestar Galactica DVD, promise I'll have it right back to you, once I watch it. Dad, thanks for the Omega Man soundtrack, Mike thanks for the Halloween mix CDs, Blockbuster, thanks for only charging me 5 buck for the Lookout, Jeff Daniels- thanks for being so badass, Jayson - thanks for the CD of the Atlanta Nirvana performance. For you yungins out there, CDs where these circles that Hellraisers and SpaceMen would shoot at people and embed into their skulls, making bad ass bloody wounds. I come in peace, I leave in ....

Next time, we see Miramax's production of "Skinny People Doing It".

SD

Snowed In 6: Necrophiliaxatrionicfreakazoidal Meltdownaclypse!!!

THe journey (quest for meaning?) through my closet continues, who will survive and what will be left of Rob Zombie's plaguristitic reference to them?



THE MOST ORGANIZED THING IN MY LIFE!!! Here it is, the Zombeak Legal Paperwork. Every release form, location agreement, production insurance bond, crew contract, itemized expenditure, investment contract ever collected and recorded for the film. And how much did York ask to see? ZIPPO! But, it is good to have, for when the film starts making (snicker) MILLIONS OF DOLLARS! (smirk smirk stiffle) I will have this stuff to remember what 3/4th of a perscent I promised the PA who almost got us shut down by the Department of Enviromental Protection. To get fired off the set of Zombeak was really hard to do, but she found a way.


Whenever I feel like an artist, I just look at this painting and suddenly reality comes flooding back to me. This one comes with a quarter, a little bribe for you, art lover!

a light kit, picked up by Stephanie, for the 'beak, costing 150, and totally saved our butts, before this we had one (maybe two) clip lights attached to a step ladder, and a home depot work lamp, and a weeping DP, who begged for a light bulb. Stephanie, who actually paid attention at GA State, said "what kind of Micky Mouse Bullsh@t is this!?!.....!?!?" and went out and bought this stuff. The DP Lane Morlotte wept tears of joy when this showed up. So to those who think Beak is too dark, can you imagine had we continued without lights. You would need night vision goggles to watch the thing.


Wardrobe from Beak, This is Leviathans trenchcoat, underneith is Melissa's Cooter uniform, which makes me look like a hot and bothered MANTHANG!

More soon, soon my children, all will be revealed, and you will know the truth, and you will call me MASTER-BLASTER, runner of BARTERTOWN!

SD

Snowed In 5: A New Begining

Man, I love F13 part 5, best death in the whole series, with Delilah getting the stabbed while doing the robot, it is the high watermark if that thing, better then the ending from the original. AND if anyone tells you to "google it" you have God's permission to back hand them. Once at 'Bucks someone said, "Do you know who I am, I work at CNN, I'm a director, you should google my name!" and that makes her the most awesome person ever.

Speaking of awesome, the worlds most awesome tripod, most awesome mic, and most awesome pair of loafers. That mic set me back a good twenty bucks and explains alot of the spectral dynamics in the Zombeak!, plus I layered a muffle effect on it so, better to be consistantly crappy rather then have one awesome component showing all the other pieces up. Crappy on purpose. Consistant. What was I saying. These loafers have holes in the souls, LIKE ME!


Black out curtains, because the sun mocks me. And I won't be..


hey! who would halfass paint up a perfectly good black plastic storage bin? What kind of juvi-delinquent would do this? Hell in a hand basket, that's all I gotta say.

And inside, alittle thing us old fogeys like to call VHS and video 8mm. I video taped way more then anyone should ever back in the day, and these 8mm tapes went with me to class, on dates, driving in the car, and whenever I want to feel awesome, I put one in and watch me watching me do NOTHING! Also are some early flicks, saved for all time on the wonder of the archiaval world "V to the H to the mofo S".

Next time! More of the same! no wait, Jason comes back as a zombie because you all hated part 5 (though it is awesome, like Halloween 3, you people suck, Carpenter every Halloween with a new movie would have been great, but NO! you wanted Mike Myers, fine, enjoy your Saw 50).

SD

Snowed In 4ever!

More boxes being sorted, and thank god I'm so egotistical that I had to show you my junk...err stuff.


Thank GAWD I kept these empty boxes! what if one day I wanted to return this stuff and get my money back and they asked if I had a box and I didn't, oh that would be really bad! And I need that cable. And that cambag is has a very functional DIGITAL 8 cam in it, and it runs like a bird... that should fly, speaking of that... chicken toy. And I get sent a chicken toy at a regular basis BTW. Once my friend sent me by mail from CA a full sized chicken replica in a big box and that has got to be one of the coolest things ever sent by mail, besides the hope diamond (google it).


I was handing this around Image Film Salons for a while (twice) and at one they had these animators speaking, and they went on and on about what kind of cigars they liked to smoke when they went a'cigar smoking, because it was early 2000s and thats what Sh@tHEads liked to talk about.


This is a box of datadisks that contains zombeak files, many files, many renderings of the film, many soundtracks, many foley tracks, special effects to be rendered into the whole, lots of raw footage, lots of time watching the little bar move across the screen to only scream in horror and frustration as my Dell colaborated with Premiere to freeze at the last frame and turn me into a drooling grey haired lunatic. I hate Macs because those people are happy and act shocked when their system doesn't work. I love it brotha.


More to come! Sop it up with a biscut.
SD

Snowed In 3: At World's End (you'll be reading this)

So part three, we are popping open boxes, taking pics, and show'n them to you, the big faceless nobody/everybody!


So, there are x-rays, long time friend Aiden Hayes sent me these, cuz I like medical stuff, and these are his mom, parts of him mom anyways, and I like to stick them on the windows, untill the kids came, because why warp them, they'll have it rough enough without dad freaking their freak out.


So in this box we had old baby monitors, and I love them, the signal is so awesome and V I D E O, and this brand had export jaxs so you could put it on a tape, so some people prob have every moment of their children sleeping on video tape, and i understand the impulse, but my thought was to shoot a film with baby monitors, and so I kept them after the kids left the crib, and one day, one day, baby monitor movie will come (paranormal activity) and the other things are plaster molds, one done in high school, and one done by budamatic weapon Wes Campbell, that will be worth something oneday, once he is famous. (get cracking on that Wes).

Here is one of the Zombeak boxes, and so we have raw footage, logs, BTS footage, contracts, blah blah blah, and the Empire Mag that gave us quote of the week, because the brits don't mind printing MOTHERF@#KER in a big magazine. Remind me to pull a GIlliam and move to England.


So in part four, more shizzziel.
SD